In January 2005, our home was the site of a terrible crime, a brutal attack inflicted on Dogbert, our local animal celebrity. First, it should be noted that Dogbert lives on a shelf of our computer desk 5 feet above the floor, where he has safely guarded our computer from the demons of stupidity for many years.
On arrival at the scene, Kelly was present and is therefore the prime suspect. Note how she seems very disinterested in the victim at her feet -- too disinterested, we believe. Note also her attempt to hide her face, though her distinctive markings and collar allow a positive identification.
Here is a close-up of the crime scene. The victim appears to have suffered severe damage to his eyeglassses and nose.
The autopsy confirmed severe damage to the eyeglasses and nose, plus numerous abrasions. The blood on the victim's knee appears to be a defensive wound, as the victim has no blood. The lab is not resourced for DNA testing, which is unfortunate since we believe the blood was a result of the perpetrator gnawing on the eyeglasses. Kelly has a history of gnawing on eyeglasses (Don's), so this evidence implicates her further.
The victim's identity is confirmed: he was a high-quality stuffed animal for human use, not a dog toy. This high quality saved him from the greater damage a lower-grade stuffed toy might have suffered, but it was still a great loss to us.
Following the autopsy, we released the victim and placed surveillance on him, to see if the perpetrator would return to the scene. We were not disappointed.
Kelly was sentenced to a claw trimming and a bath, both of which she needed anyway. She bore her sentence with her usual stoic silence.
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